"This is a PRELUDE TO WAR": Monday Night RAW (8/17/15)

It's the go home show as well as the homecoming of Minnesota's own Beast, Brock Lesnar. What should've been an exciting show was simply nothing more than a hype machine. Literally. All of the matches were just teases on what to expect this Sunday, so basically everyone that has a match this Sunday is fighting or confronting their respective opponents tonight. There are now 10 matches confirmed for the 4-hour Summerslam. Oh boy.

HHH and Steph opened up RAW! and they were in "Best for Business" mode, as they talked about Summerslam being so big that it had to be 4 hours. And you can get it all on the WWE Network for - wait for it - $9.99. What made it irritating was that they were blasting the official theme song for Summerslam, which was Demi Lovato's single "Cool For The Summer" as they were talking. Another big big news they wanted to talk about was that former Daily Show host, Jon Stewart, will be hosting Summerslam. The road to Summerslam kicked off with Randy Orton and Cesaro vs Kevin Owens and Sheamus.

The most exciting part of any matches involving Cesaro is seeing him smile at the "CESARO SECTION" signs (again, also organized on r/SC). This tag team match was... okay. All 4 of these guys have a singles match this Sunday so this team up didn't really add anything to it. There were also a few botches at the end. Cesaro almost fell over the ropes until Kevin grabbed his foot to save him, which they played off as Owens interrupting him. And then Orton was about to do his RKO on Owens but due to some miscommunication, Orton was actually following through with his RKO as Owens was pushing him off, resulting in Orton appearing to slip down. Cesaro tried to cover Owens by grabbing his leg and pulling him off the ring, leading Orton to do the RKO on Sheamus and take the pin.

Next up was Roman Reigns vs Luke Harper. Dean Ambrose showed up and went to do commentary alongside JBL, Michael Cole, and Byron Saxton. Bray Wyatt waited on ringside. It has been a LONG time since Ambrose was on commentary and he was doing a great job hyping up everyone, even Harper and Wyatt. He even grabbed Saxton's chair and gave it to Wyatt! To be honest, this match was like a fucking replay from Smackdown. Harper is so diverse and brutal with his moves while Reigns does the same power moves over and over. Everyone gripes on Ambrose's rebound clothesline but no one bitches on Reigns constantly using a clotheslines and Superman punches. Reigns won clean at the end with a weak spear on Harper. Meanwhile, everyone is talking about how they're looking forward to seeing Ambrose or Reigns turn heel on Sunday.

Becky Lynch defeated Tamina, getting another singles win under her belt. I don't have anything more to say about this match except that it seemed pretty obvious that Tamina would take the pin. And we get another reminder that Nikki Bella's reign will go on for another month until she beats AJ Lee's reign. Jesus christ.

Next up is Rusev vs Patriotic Mark Henry again but this time, eh actually defeated him with The Accolade. Lana called back Hot Summer back into the ring and challenged her. She slapped Hot Summer and then challenged Rusev to come into the ring. As Rusev edged closer to Lana, Ziggler's theme song played. Lana did a superkick to Hot Summer and Ziggler did a DDT and superkick to Rusev. Ziggler's return made him and Rusev the (hopefully) final match added to Summerslam.

Seth Rollins and The Authority arranged to have a contract signing with him and John Cena, making their title vs title match official for Summerslam. Cocky Rollins even asked if they would make a statue of him (like the ones they made of Andre The Giant, Bruno Sammartino, and Ultimate Warrior) when he wins both titles this Sunday. HHH and Stephanie agreed that it would be done IF he wins. Rollins did a long opening monologue about Cena being the disease and that he was the cure. Cena came out and basically emasculated him, saying that even though the crowd was cheering "Let's go Cena! Cena sucks!" they were not chanting for Rollins. The real champ was here. And he even called out that Rollins was becoming HHH's legacy, as HHH calmly looks on. When Cena's fired up and not being silly, damn, he can be on point with his promos. The most surprising part? Cena signed the contract and walked away unscathed.

Ryback defeated Miz while Big Show was on commentary. Big Show was promoting his movie "Vendetta" that he filmed with Dean Cain and he had JBL holding the DVD. Makes me a little worried on how Ambrose will handle promoting his movie next month. Nothing really exciting here. I'll be fine if Miz wins or Ryback retains.


I want to point out how awesome this message from Stardust and King Barrett was. What you have to understand is how long this has been building up and how it's making all the players involved, notably King Barrett and Neville, look good. Cody Stardust has been pushing for this storyline for the last few months and it's becoming more than just a tribute to his father, Dusty Rhodes. We're seeing something new and exciting happening here, and with a celebrity element (Stephen Amell) that doesn't feel tacked on. Barrett and Neville, who've been floundering around with no direction, are back to feuding with each other, not as a heel and face, but as a villain and a hero! Amell is introducing his fans and "Arrow" fans to his love for wrestling. And the best part is how much FUN this storyline is shaping up to be. I honestly don't care if the heroes or villains wins, the payoff is finally seeing this match happen at Summerslam.

Then there was an 8 man tag team match with Prime Time Players and Lucha Dragons vs New Day and Los Matadores. The New Day was great, as usual, but otherwise it was another uninteresting match. A few months ago, that tag team division was starting to shape up after the Usos were out of the picture. There was Tyson Kidd and Cesaro, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan as "The Reapers" until Rowan got injured, The Ascension was getting some TV time, and Macho Mandow and Axelmania had... something. Ok, moving on.

The last match of the night was Sasha Banks vs Nikki Bella. One would think how awesome it was to see that the main even match was ending with Divas. Sasha was hard-hitting and taunting Nikki the whole time (even mocking her doing jumping jacks and push ups!) Unfortunately, the match went downhill when Nikki missed kicking Sasha as she jumped off the ropes (and Sasha still had to sell it), and the audience started chanting "WE WANT LESNAR!" While it was really infuriating to hear them chant that through their match, it was understandable why they would. Paul Heyman and Lesnar appeared in the last 15 minutes of a 3 hour show, whereas Undertaker appeared earlier in the first hour. This was another setback for the Divas Revolution.

Lesnar got a heroes welcome with confetti and streamers raining over him as the crowd chanted "SUPLEX CITY." Seriously, is Lesnar suppose to be the face or heel in this feud? Heyman was on fire once again as he hyped up Lesnar and mentioned his accomplishments, including from his hometown university. He even sang a glorious song, "GLORY, GLORY, BROCK LESNAR!" Undertaker's bell gong and blackout happened but Taker was nowhere to be seen, leading Heyman to do more of his promo, including pointing out that Taker doing a low blow is a desperate move (and for kayfabe reason, something only heels do, not faces). When it rang again, Taker appeared. And he did the low blow again. He tombstoned Lesnar and was greeted with a deafening boos from the fans. Anywhere else, Taker would've gotten cheers for doing this.

So, all in all, aside from a few good parts, this whole RAW was just a tease for Sunday. There's still Smack Down! this Tuesday Thursday with this ridiculously huge main event happening. Maybe there's a bit more breathing room for one last Stardust or Cosmic King vs Neville match, or Ziggler vs Rusev? Not to mention there's also NXT Takeover Brooklyn happening the night before Summerslam, so this week is all WWE. This is gonna be an exhausting weekend for wrestling fans.

Oh, also...

  
I DON'T WANT THIS BROMANCE TO END ON SUNDAY :(

"Hot Rod!": Monday Night RAW (8/4/15)

This was a nice way to honor Roddy Piper, although the silent 10-bell salute was ruined by some asshole in the audience who yelled out "Roddy!" towards the end, prompting the rest of the crowd to join in on the cheering before it ended. Considering the weird events Roddy was involved in the last few weeks (him getting fired from Podcast One, him uploading his podcasts to Soundcloud, and getting dropped from his WWE Legends contract), this was still nice of WWE to put this together. It was too damn soon to lose another wrestling legend.

Bad news: Rollins has issued a title vs title match with Cena for Summerslam, taking a page from ROH's recent PPV event with Jay Lethal and Jay Briscoe. Rollins also issued a WWE World Heavyweight Championship Open Challenge for tonight with 2 caveats: that the challenger was under 6 feet tall and under 200 lbs. The first to accept the challenge was was El Torito Neville. So awesome to see 2 former NXT champs go at it and Neville got to showcase more of his moves from NXT. The most damning part was that Rollins got a clean win and there was no interference from Stardust.

Paul Heyman was there just to showcase and hype up Brock Lesnar. Brock didn't do his signature ring jump. He just grabbed one of the metal steps from the corner and threw it in the middle of the ring, just so he can stand on it. And Heyman cut a promo so damn good that it even got Lesnar to smile.

This beautiful moment was organized on r/SC a week ago. It was the work of one wredittor passing out 7000 copies of card stock with "CESARO SECTION" before the event and during the breaks. Cesaro was clearly moved by it (this was posted on his instagram) as he made his way to respond to Kevin Owens for Miz TV.

Miz thanked Piper and Piper's Pit as the originator for his segment. Miz said he should be Intercontinental Champion since Ryback was out (he's still recovering from his staph infection on his knee). When Ryback won the belt at the Elimination Chamber, I wasn't happy, not because he won but it's the fact that the last few champions who held the title were injured to an extent that they had to vacate the title (like Daniel Bryan recently). Anyways, Miz was the moderator for Owens and Cesaro. Owens now recognizes Cesaro as a legit threat after Cena and Cesaro is still getting his push, so this is good for them. The C-Section is working!

Paige, Becky Lynch, and Charlotte have an official stable name: Submission Sorority. This is a horribly confusing name, and it would be a nightmare to search for in Google. Team Paige would've been fine! And I hate to admit it but I'm starting to get Divas Revolution fatigue, since it features the same 3 groups (Submission Sorority, Team B.A.D., and Team Bella) in weekly matches. We know what they can do now, I just want to see them in a story line, especially after Nikki Bella's reign ends.

Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper are cutting a promo as they warn Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose, when all of a sudden Sheamus walks into the frame. This was unintentionally funny.

Reigns and Ambrose also responds (with Ambrose repeating Roddy's iconic quote on how they're here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and they're all out of bubble gum.) Orton walks in saying that they can do whatever they want, just leave Sheamus to him. Dean's delayed reaction upon realizing Reigns called him "crazy" was also funny.

The main event was a 6-man tag team match with Randy Orton, a returning Roman Reigns, and Dean "Crazy" Ambrose vs Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan Sheamus. For a good minute or so, Reigns looked crazy strong as he took out the Wyatts and Sheamus. Pairing him up with Ambrose really takes off the heat he got last year, but it's still obvious that WWE is going to push Reigns again. The match felt a bit rushed because of the Stone Cold's Podcast with Paige. It looked like a house show event and it made the smarky San Jose crowd go home happy. 

2ND WEEK OF SHIRTLESS AMBROSE AGAIN?!